If You Only Knew
by Runs with Werewolfs
Summary: The only thing Logan ever had of his mom was a note, written moments before she died. His adoptive parents had a second note, one that held news he would never expect. Now he's out to find his brother, who just got the same note and is looking for him.
1. Prelude

_**If You Only Knew**_

Prologue

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* * *

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_November 2nd, 1993_

Lorraine Mitchell coughed violently, holding her two month old son to her chest. She had been ill since right after Logan had been born, and was getting sicker and sicker every day. Her best friend, Marie Diamond, and her husband Connor, had brought her sons to see her, maybe for the last time. The doctor said that she might not make it through the night, and that 18 month old Dak and 2 month old Logan should come say goodbye while they had the chance. She had been desperate to hold her babies one last time.

Marie, who was nearly 8 months pregnant at this point, brushed Lorraine's hair from her face. "It's going to be okay, we'll take good care of Logan, and Devon said he'll take Dak in."

Lorraine coughed. "You didn't mention Logan, right? I don't want him in LA; he's too tender for that." She'd divorced her movie producer ex husband nearly a year ago, and then found out she was pregnant. She'd given her son her last name instead of his, and didn't want her small, fragile, child, living in the Hollywood spotlight, not until he was older, not without her.

The plan was, when Devon came to the door for his youngest son, Marie would be in the back with Logan, and if Logan cried, Connor would explain that they'd adopted a child so their son wasn't the only boy with three older sisters. Marie would have taken both Dak and Logan in a heartbeat, but they assumed that Devon would find out about his ex wife's death and come looking for his son. And to ensure Dak didn't say anything about his brother, Marie and Connor had acted as if Logan was really their son for the past two months, and Dak believed them willingly, since he was only barely walking and talking at this point.

"No, sweetie, I promised I wouldn't." Marie assured her. "Here, give me Logan, Connor is on his way up with Dak, Dak had a little bit of a spill in the parking lot and scraped his knee."

Lorraine gave a little sob. "What is my baby going to do without a mother!"

"I'm sure Devon will remarry eventually, I mean, he's Devon Zevon, child star and Hollywood movie producer." Marie said. "and We'll leave him the option of dumping Dak on us if he decides he doesn't want a baby." Marie cradled the little brown eyed baby in one arm, taking her best friend's frail hand with the other. "and As for Logan, he's not going to be alone." She assured him. "Katherine and Nate wil bring their little girl around when she's born, and he'll have James in a couple months and the Garcia's next door are going to have their second baby, and I have the girls to watch out for Logan. "

Lorraine smiled. "and you're sure this will work?" she asked.

"Lorraine, my oldest child is 9, and hasn't shown any signs of damage. Logan will turn out fine. And Dak will be okay too." Marie said. "I'll make sure that they meet at some point, too."

"You promise" Lorriane looked up at her best friend with watery eyes. "Marie, you're the best friend I could have ever asked for. I'm glad I met you, and I'm glad you're here with me."

Marie sat down in the chair next to Lorraine's bed. "I'll be here with you." She promised. "as long as I can be."

Lorraine sighed. "I was so excited when you said you were pregnant, I thought, well, you and me and Kathy were pregnant together and we'd be able to have our kids play together and sit and watch them in the play, and when Kathy told us she was having a girl, I thought one day one of our boys would marry her daughter and-"

"Well, that could still come true." Marie said. "and regardless, Kathy's little girl is going to have two protectors are the playground, and that will never change."

"Is Kathy going to come at some point, I want to say goodbye to her." Lorraine muttered. In the hall, both women could hear Connor and Dak, Connor telling Dak a story about a magic ice cream truck with magical ice cream sundaes.

Marie nodded. "Crazy woman is due any day and she still insists on working with her preschoolers. She'll be by in about a half hour, once Connor takes the boys home"

Lorraine's head flopped back slightly. "I'm so tired." She said as Connor came in with Dak in his arms.

"Mommy!" Dak clapped, a grin spreading across his face.

Lorraine smiled and held her arms out. Connor let Dak down onto the bed, and the tiny child scrambled up to his mom's arms, throwing his tiny arms around her neck and giggling in delight. Marie looked up at her husband, smiling at the scene before her.

Connor sighed. "When we were coming in, I saw Nate in the lobby."

"Oh?" Marie looked up at him.

"So we stopped to talk, and I guess Kathy went into labor earlier, and they left a message on the house phone. He said he'll come up and tell us when the baby is born. He said he might bring Kathy over if the doctors will let him, since cancer isn't contagious and all. How are you feeling, Lorraine?"

Lorraine sighed. "It's coming, Connor. I don't have long"

Connor frowned. "I'm sorry, I wish I could do something."

Lorraine shook her head. "You are. Taking care of Dak and Logan, that's more than enough."

Connor smiled. "Do you want me to take them?" he asked.

Lorraine shut her eyes. "Can-Can I hold Logan one last time?"

Connor bent down and lifted Dak up. The child started crying, as if he knew that he would never hug his mom again. Connor grimaced. "I'm going to take him now, I'll go sit with Nate or something." He decided, gently cradling the child in his arms.

Lorraine watched him leave, a tear falling from her eyes. She cradled the younger child, wishing she could forever implant a memory of her in his mind, so he'd always know her. Marie stood up to go make sure her husband could handle Dak, and as she left, Lorraine brushed a hand over Logan's face. "One day Logan, you and Dak will be together again, just wait and see. I love you, my sweet boy."

Marie came back in. "Do you want to maybe write a note for each of them, something to remember you by?" She suggested. "So they always know how much you love them?"

"I want to write two for each of them. One for you to give them now, and then one to give to them when Logan's older and more- ready- for what his dad's lifestyle would give him, so Dak doesn't know about Logan and Logan doesn't know about Dak."

Marie sighed and retrieved a notebook and a pen out of her purse. She thought her best friend was nuts, not wanting her kids to even know of each other, just because she didn't want her slightly crazy and super famous ex to know about one of his children. She knew that Devon would not be thrilled when he found out he had another son, but Lorraine had been adamant that Marie and Connor raised Logan, and Devon wasn't on the birth certificate, since Lorraine had insisted she didn't know who the father was, and he'd never had any idea that she was pregnant with Logan. Marie just didn't know what to do except keep her promise to her best friend.

She swapped the notebook and pen for Logan, holding the baby as her friend wrote four notes out, and put them in two different stacks. Three in one and one in the other. "Give this to Devon to give to Dak when he can read and understand, and tell him to explain it to him." She said, handing her the one. "The two in this pile with a 15 and a 16 on them are for when their ready, when Logan's 15. I think he'll be ready then. Don't tell him any sooner, please?"

Marie nodded. "Of course" she said, putting the notes in her purse.

Lorraine's breath slowed down. "It's going to be soon, Marie. Can I hold Logan, please?"

Marie nodded and handed Logan over, helping Marie adjust him so she could hold her best friend's hand. She held her hand until, 20 minutes later, Lorraine gave one finally, shuddering, gasping breath and closed her eyes. Marie reached over and took Logan, gently hitting the nurse call button above Lorraine's head. She brushed the hair off her friend's face and held Logan closer, tears falling down her own face, silently promising her best friend that she'd do everything the way she wanted it, keep Logan safe, raise him the way she would have, and make sure Logan and Dak met again one day. A nurse came in, and seeing the tears, called for a doctor.

As activity swirled around the room, a half-assed attempt at reviving Lorraine, since they'd all known she wasn't going to last anyways, a nurse leading Marie out, telling her it would be okay, and the doctor calling a time of death, Marie felt her heart break more with every second. Logan and Dak were motherless now, and to the state of Minnesota, Logan was an orphan. She wandered down to the lobby, and asked, blankly, where Katherine Knight was. She was directed to the maternity ward, and arrived just in time to hear a babie's cries.

She sat down next to Connor, burying her face into his shoulder. "She's gone" she whispered. Dak was asleep in Connor's lap. "Lorraine's gone"

Connor wrapped his arm her shoulder. "I'm so sorry Marie. I know you loved her."

Marie sighed "I just wish there was a way I could keep Dak. Devon will be here in 2 days to get Dak though, and then what?"

Connor sighed. "I'd suppose we could try to talk him into letting us keep him, but he might not like that idea."

Marie sighed. "No, I promised her I would let him take Dak as long as he wanted him and wouldn't try to keep him." Marie sighed. "I'm doing this the way she wanted, and I'll raise Logan than way she would have. To be a bright, responsible, caring young man."

Connor smiled. "Everything will turn out okay, sweetheart. Logan and Dak will both be fine, and she wanted us to have Logan because she knew we'd love him like he was our own. Allthough, I must say, I do love this little dude a whole lot and I'll miss him"

Marie smiled. "He's a great boy. I hope James and Logan will be half as easy as he is. I mean, he throws quite the tantrum, but he's a good boy. "

All of a sudden, Nate Knight appeared at the door, a broad grin on his face. "It's a little boy!" he grinned. "It's a boy!" His face fell when he saw Marie's tear streaked face. "She's gone, isn't she?"

Marie nodded and pressed her face into Connor's shoulder again. Nate sighed. "I'll go tell Katherine."

* * *

A/N: Okay, so this is the first bit of the prologue. The next chapter which I'll have done soon, takes places 10 years later, and then the story will pick up about 5 or 6 years later, when the boys are in LA. and yes, Dak is Dak Zevon, this whole thing was inspired by the fact that Curt Hansen, who plays Dak, was the original leader of the band, before Kendall was cast, and then Katt and I were talking about it and I just think Curt and Logan look like they could be brothers, with their hair and they have the same nose and other little things like that. and then I got to imagining scenarios and BOOM! this popped out. I hope you like this.

Okay, so in case you didn't figure out, Marie and Connor are James's parents. His family is described more in depth next chapter, and his sisters are introduced. Only one sister is of any importance though other than being James (and Logan's) sisters, and that's the sister already mentioned, whose name is Jenna. Kathy and Nate are Kendall's parents, and yes, Kendall was born in this chapter. and the Garcia's next door are Carlos's parents. So basically, Logan is the oldest, followed by Kendall, and then James and then Carlos. All four boys are born in a four month period.

and the backstory for Logan's mom, as far as what she was sick with, is that she had cancer, but because she was pregnant, went undiagnosed and it developed to the point of her death. Logan has a better explanation later on in the story, being all medical and stuff...everything that's kind of sketchy in this chapter, from Logan's mom hiding his birth from his dad to her illness, will be addressed at some point.

As for pairings, that will be figured out later, but there will be pairings. I'll probably want an OC for at least Dak, I'll adress that in the next A/N

Okay, when I get 3 reveiws saying to go on ahead with this, and post more, or that you want more or liked this, I'll post the new chapter, unless I get a massive rapid response and then It might be a while.


	2. Dreaming Under the Same Moon

Chapter 1: Dreaming Under the Same Moon

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_November 2nd, 2003_

"Logan, James, Mom says if you don't get your butts out of your beds and down here in the next 5 minutes, she's grounding them!" 19 year old Jenna Diamond shouted up the stairs at her two brothers. She sighed. "and that means you can't go to Kendall's birthday party today with Carlos!" This would be effective, Kendall Knight always had the best birthday parties, and because they were best friends, Logan and James were invited to spend the night after the party. She knew her brothers wouldn't miss a night without their multitude of screaming sisters for anything in the world.

She grinned as she heard twin thuds from upstairs and Logan bemoan the fact that James had landed ontop of him. Shaking her head, she walked into the kitchen, where her mom was standing, talking on the phone with Kendall's mom and frowned. She knew this birthday was extremely hard for Kendall, since it was his first since his dad had died in a car crash 6 months okay, and for his mom, it was even harder because it was the 10 year mark of Aunt Lorraine's death, almost 10 years to the day Logan had been adopted.

Logan and James came crashing down the stairs, pushing and shoving and giggling. She heard her teenaged sisters in the living room, 15 year old Jordan screaming at James to get off back, Jessica, who was 17, telling Logan to knock whatever he was doing off. She sighed.

Logan and James had it hard, living in a family with 8 kids and only the two of them being boys. Sometimes she wondered what he parents were thinking having so many kids running around, but she wouldn't change it for the world. Besides the five of them, there was 7 year old Jacqueline, and five year old twins, Jasmine and Janessa. Sometimes, it almost felt like she had two sisters, and then Logan was the oldest of five, because of the massive age difference between Jordan and Logan at almost 6 years.

Her mom came into the kitchen. "Hey, are you going to college today?" she asked, smiling. Jenna was taking summer classes, hoping to get done with community college and fast.

"Yeah, why mom?"

"Can you drive the boys to the Knight's house on your way?"

"Sure" She walked into the living room, rolling her eyes when she found James mashed between Jasmine, Janessa and the floor. "Logan, why don't you go get dressed?" she asked the smaller of her brothers, although he was older by 3 months, he was tiny.

Logan looked up from where he was talking to Jacquie. "Okay. Sorry Jack, we can talk some other time, okay?" he said. Jennifer smiled, her adopted brother was the sweetest.

Jacquie nodded, dark blonde girls bouncing everywhere. Logan grinned and ruffled her hair before running off.

"Little people, get off of James!" Jenna commanded. The twins rolled off of their older brother and James bounced up. She laughed at the panicked look on his face as he run his fingers through his hair, worried it was messed up more than it had been when he woke up.

"It looks fine James, I'll fix it when you're dressed" Jordan offered, watching her little brother's distressed hair pulling as he attempted to make it look right. He gave her a grateful look and ran up stairs.

20 minutes later, the boys were piled into the car, James patting his now nice hair with satisfaction and Logan telling him about how bad hairspray was for the environment, his arms wrapped around his gift for Kendall, some hockey related gift, which James had matched with a hockey jersey with Kendall's name on it. Carlos Garcia, the boy next door who James and Logan considered their best friend along with Kendall, was sitting next to James, a helmet planted securely on his head. Jenna grinned as she started the car.

"Hey Carlos, how are you today?" she asked as she backed out.

"I'm good! I had Lucky Charms and Apple Juice for breakfast!"

"Breakfast of champions." Jenna grinned. "I think that's what I had too" she informed him. He grinned at her and poked James in the arm. James glanced around and grinned at him.

"What?" James asked, eyebrow raised.

"What do you want for your birthday?" Carlos asked. James's birthday was just under 2 weeks away, and James was planning a massive 10th birthday party, like he always did. The biggest difference between the two boys who had been raised by the same exact parents was that James was the biggest diva in Duluth, Minnesota and Logan was the biggest sweetheart.

"Surprise me." James said with a grin.

Logan grinned at his brother. "Having Carlos surprise you might not be a good idea, Jamie." Logan knew this full well, since he had gotten an exploding cake for his birthday from the rambunctious Latino for his 9th birthday (Carlos and his dad had similar senses of humor and too much time on their hands). Logan gave his brother a silent look, and James shrugged.

"Probably right. Let's get through Kendall's birthday and then we'll talk, okay Carlitos, because Kendall's birthday could inspire me!" James said, a single finger flying up in the air. Jenna laughed from the front seat as she pulled onto the Knight's street. Kendall was standing on the curb, with his 4 year old sister Katie on his hip, bouncing up and down on his heels, a grin on his face.

Jenna pulled up to the curb and parked the car, but before she could tell the boys to grab their stuff, the trio burst out of the car, screaming something about some TV show being on soon. All four boys raced towards the house, each of them tripping at least once. Jenna sighed and got out of the car, as Kathy came out of the house, grinning at Jenna. "They just love that new show on the Dingo Channel" she sighed. "

"Really, which one, Logan and James never the Dingo Channel at home, but Jacqueline is obsessed with Dingo." Jenna said, handing the woman who was basically her aunt Carlos's bag.

"Um, it's the one about the kid from the future."

"Kathy!" Jenna stopped, hand flying to her mouth.

"What?" Kathy turned around, confused.

"Dak is on that show!" Jenna said. "Of course Logan is obsessed with his show, he's watching his big brother on TV!"

* * *

The boys piled into the living room, Kendall putting Katie down on the couch before flipping through the channels to find the right one. When he hit the right channel, a music video with some teenaged boy was on. James grabbed the vcr player remote and began dancing around the living room, singing into the remote like it was a microphone. Logan and Carlos, who were sitting criss-cross on the floor, giggled and sang along. Kendall rolled his eyes and sat down next to Carlos, a goofy grin on his fice.

James finished the song with a flourish and tossed the remote onto the couch, collapsing next to Logan as the show came back on. Logan grinned. "I wish I could be like Dak Zevon" James said, voice dripping with jealousy as Dak's character, Jake, walked across the screen, chasing after his on screen little brother, Josh.

"I had a dream he was my brother last night" Logan informed them. "and he was teaching me how to dance and he was being really nice, like Carlos's brother is when we don't ruin his stuff"

"You know, Logan kind of looks like Dak Zevon!" Carlos announced.

"No!" Kendall shook his head. "He doesn't, he looks like Logan. Have you been into the sugar again?"

James studied the screen for a minute. "No, I agree with Carlos. They do look alike, they've got the same exact nose and their smiles can be similar, except Logan has like 50 million smiles, and their faces are the same shape-kind of and they both have that hair" he said knowledgably. "I can see it"

"and yes, I have been into the sugar but that's beside the point. Logan and Dak look alike" Carlos said, as if this settled everything. "Katie, what do you think?" he asked, turning around.

Katie poked him in the eye. "Logie and Dak!" she squealed, grabbing Carlos's nose and moving his head around as the adults came in. Jenna laughed and lifted Katie off the couch, forcing her to let go of Carlos's nose.

"Are you going to be a trouble maker?" Jenna asked the little girl with a laugh.

"Twuble Maker!" Katie announced, clapping.

Jenna handed Katie to her mother. "You're in for trouble with this one. James knew from the moment he could talk that he was a singer. I'm pretty sure he sang his first words. Logan's first word was Doctor."

Logan twisted himself around "I'm going to be one of those someday, and when Kendall and Carlos get hurt on the ice, I'll fix them up!" he announced proudly. Jenna laughed.

Kendall grabbed at his knee playfully. "Doctor Logan, it hurts!" he shouted.

Logan crawled over Carlos and began tapping on Kendall's knee. "Yes, well, it's broken, of course it hurts" he grinned.

"How do you fix it"

Logan made a sawing motion with his hand, a grin on his face. "You cut it off!" he said.

Kendall gasped in false horror and grabbed his knee again. "Oh, no! Nothing but that!" he gasped.

James and Carlos collapsed against each other, laughing at their friends antics, laughing harder when Katie screamed. "Not him leg!"

After a few moments of laughter, Logan stood up. "I'm going to go to the restroom, I'll be right back" he said.

He walked into the bathroom and sank down to the ground, pulling a tattered piece of paper out of his pocket and reading it.

_My dear sweet Logan,_

_It was never my intention to leave you. I love you so much. I am very sick right now. I'm sure that Marie, or maybe you call her Mom now and really I don't mind, has told you that I was too sick to take care of you, and you've been hers since you were born. I'm sure she's told you that you're adopted. I'm sure you understand that I'm dead. I love you, my sweet boy, and I don't want you to ever forget that I would be there if I could. Marie will explain it better when you understand more, but I love you so much. I am watching over you right now, and I'll always love you._

_Mamma_

Logan clutched the note to his chest, tears falling. Sometimes, James and Kendall and Carlos didn't know how lucky they had it. Logan took this note with him everywhere. Mama Marie and Dad and the girls knew to look for it when they did his laundry, just in case he forgot. They knew how much the note meant to him.

His friends could get hugs and love from their mom's whenever they wished. This was the closest thing Logan had to a hug from his mom and he would love it forever. He was only 10, but he knew he had to treasure the note.

_

* * *

_

"Dak, over here!"

"Dak, look here!"

"I love you!"

Dak Zevon walked into his dad's office building, followed by his bodyguard, wishing he could get a moments silence. All the papperazzi and screaming 10 year old girls were almost too much for his 11 year old brain to take. He looked at Robby, his body guard, and sighed. "Can I go to the bathroom?" he asked, hand in his pocket, brushing against a piece of paper, just to make sure it was still there.

Robby nodded. "Sure. I'll be here when you're done"

Dak ran off towards the bathroom. He liked the bathroom at his dad's work, it had couches in it and a window and everything. It was nice. Dak threw open the door and collapsed onto a couch as soon as the paper he carried everywhere was in his hand. He unfolded it gently, smiling at the shakey, broken hand writing, the only thing he had to know his mother by.

_My sweet Dak._

_You'll probably never remember me, or barely, but I loved you so much. Your dad has probably explained everything to you, and I want you to know, how much I really love you. I don't want to leave you, you're my baby, but I am sick. One day, when you're old enough, your dad will explain to you exactly what is going on right now. You're my sweet, angel and I love you, so much. Just know, that wherever you are, I'm watching over you. _

_Mama_

Dak ran his finger over the tattered edge of the paper. He could kind of remember her, just in his dreams, a smile here, a hug there, and once, in a dream, the best cookies he'd ever tasted. He'd seen pictures of her, and he knew, she had the sweetest smile and the same eyes as him. His dad had brown eyes, that when he wasn't carrying on about some business deal, were kind and sparkled and reminded him of chocolate.

Dak close his eyes. He didn't know how it was possible, but he missed her with everything he had. His dad had said Dak had been 18 months old when she died, and shouldn't remember her, but he did, and he remembered a small, brown eyed baby as well. He didn't know how, but he dreamt about them almost every night. He didn't know who the baby was, and if it had had green eyes, he would have been sure it was him, but the eyes were the thing he saw the most in every drea,. "Mama, I miss you so much" he sighed.

He heard the bathroom door open and he stood up quickly, sticking the note back into his pocket. His dad was standing there, a weird look on his face. "You okay?" he asked.

Dak shrugged. "Just thinking about Mom."

His dad smiled. "Oh."

Dak sighed. "I know it's weird, since I was little when she died, but I miss her. Sometimes, I wonder how my life would be if she hadn't died. Today's the 10 year mark, you know."

"I didn't" his dad said, offering his son a hug. Dak took it, his dad almost never showed affection in any way. "I'm proud of you" was a rarity in the Zevon house. Something told Dak that would be different if Mama were alive.

"It is. Do you think, maybe, one day, we could go visit her grave in Minnesota?"

"Maybe one day" his dad said.

Dak sighed as they walked out of the bathroom. He wished he could have a normal family, normal friends, a normal life. Something more then filming his show and dealing with his dad, who was married to his job. He would give anything for a brother or a sister to share his life with. A best friend, even.

* * *

A/N: Awww, Dak is breaking my heart…:( The next chapter is the good stuff, with teenagers and all that jazz.

Suggestions are always welcome and reviewers get cookies!

Personally, I found Dak having a slight memory of Logan, or dreaming about Logan, kind of sweet, and Logan and Kendall's little doctors visit was cute and James dancing around the living room. I like writing Dak, there's a lot you can do with his character and get away with, his character is in it so little and all that.


	3. Intervention

**Chapter 2: Intervention**

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_January 10th, 2011_

_

* * *

_

"Dak Andrew Zevon, get your ass down here!" Devon shouted up the stairs at his son, holding a teen magazine in his hand.

Dak came down the stairs slowly, a weird look on his face. His dad was, as he had been since Dak had stopped landing jobs, since Jett Stetson was the new "it boy" and Dak was "out", was furious with him again. He didn't remember doing anything this time, he'd been trying to avoid his alcoholic father's fury. "Yeah Dad?" he asked softly.

"What the hell is this trash?" the older Zevon asked, holding the magazine up. Dak sighed.

On the cover was a picture of him, and a caption that read: "Dak just wants to be a normal teenager" His dad opened up the magazine, revealing a spread with pictures of Dak, an interview and a picture of him with his girlfriend Kara. Dak remembered that intereview and it had been the truth- all Dak wanted was to be a normal teen.

"It's a magazine article" Dak said cooly.

"Is this trash true?" Devon asked dangerously.

"Yeah." Dak said, voice icy. "I don't want to be famous. I want to be a normal guy, who does normal, guy things. I want to go on a date with Kara without worrying about paparazzi, I want to be able to go visit Mom's grave when I want. I've been once- Once in 16 years."

"We'll deal with that later. Right now, you need to work out your problems, how on earth could you just say that being famous isn't great"

'Oh, it's great- it's just not the most important thing to me. I want to be normal, for a day. You know who I wish I was? The guys from Big Time Rush, they grew up normal- playing sports, goofing off, eating whatever they wanted, being silly. I grew up behind a camera and that doesn't make me happy." Dak said.

"Dak, you're being stupid. Everyone wants what you have"

"No, Dad, no one wants zero freedom, a dead mother, and a dad who is so drunk that he doesn't even know his own name half the time. No one wants that." Dak said.

"I'm not drunk"

"Dad, I'm five feet away from you and I can smell the –okay, you should not be drinking enough beer that I can smell it this far away. How much have you had?"

"I don't know, six cans?"

"Dad!" Dak threw his hands up in the air. "You promised you'd stop this!" The 17 year old popstar shook his head. His dad had sworn he'd stop the heavy drinking. "Why did you- " he broke off and stormed towards the kitchen. The cook was standing there, baking cookies. "Mary, trash anything my dad can get drunk off of" he said, digging around in the pantry before pulling out three bottles of wine. It was expensive stuff, he knew his dad usually spent up to $1000 on wine. "Mary, is this your cooking wine?" he asked.

"No sweetie, I use a dry white wine to cook. That's fancy red wine, your dad likes to drink that at dinner parties. He doesn't like white wine drink" She said. "He loves red wine though"

Dak scoffed. "Not anymore" he said, stomping out to the back patio as his dad followed, cussing at him. Dak hauled back and chucked the bottles against the back wall, shattering them as his dad tried to grab them. As he went to chuck the last bottle, his dad grabbed it and tried to pull it back. His dad wasn't expecting Dak to let go, so Dak did, and his dad dropped the wine and it crashed to the floor, shattering. Dak stompbed back into the house and grabbed the cans of beer, and walking back out into the patio, opened each can and poured it out as his father watched helpless.

When he was done, he walked back into the house. "Call Dad's agent and tell him Dad needs rehab. And AA meeting again- and maybe a good slap upside the head when he sobers up. You're going to have to keep the cooking wine in your room, locked up." Dak said, heading for the stairs.

He made it half way before his dad grabbed and pulled him back. "Who the hell do you think you are, boy?" he demanded, shoving Dak against the wall.

"I think I'm your son, and I love you" Dak said. "I don't want to see you die because you're so drunk. It can kill you. " he warned, trying to get away.

"If you loved me you'd let me go on about my business"

"Not when it's going to kill you." Dak said.

"You're such an ungrateful little piece of crap. Just like your mother, always complaining. Stop drinking, stop smoking, I'm pregnant, I need to eat, I want to watch TV, I don't want to be famous. It's all the same with you. You get that from your Mitchell side, not the Zevon side. Whine, Whine, Whine. Just like your mother," a fist collided with Dak's face, and he was sure he would bruise.

Dak twisted away from his dad and punched the man in the gut. "Do not talk about my mom like that. I never knew her, but I know she's a better person than you ever were." He shouted. "You know what, do what you want, I don't care anymore, I'm out" He shouted. He grabbed his car keys off a table by the door and tore out of the house, into the huge garage and into his shiny black truck. He didn't know where he was going, he just knew he had to get away.

He could go to Kara's, but she worried and he didn't want that. He could crash at a friend's house, but his dad would have the friend arrested. Then it hit him. The Palmwoods. He had a credit card, he was famous, he could rent a room. He turned the car on and it thundered down the mile long drive way. He loved his truck, how loud it was, how he felt huge behind it.

He made the short, 10 minute drive to the Palmwoods and got out of the car and started to walk towards the apartment, but not before a short, but heavy and solid, body, collided with his with a "oof". Dak tumbled to the ground, and shook his head. One of the Big Time Rush guys, the short smart one with dark brown hair and doe eyes and a crooked smile, which was now a worried frown, was ontop of him. "Oops" Logan said, standing up. "I'm sorry, I was running from Carlos, I should have watched where I was going" Logan said with a smile. "Hey, you're- well, you know who you are-" someone obviously remembered being beat up by Dak's rabid fans. "Why are you here?"

"Had a bad fight with my dad. He drives me crazy" If Dak remembered, Logan was an orphan, and he just wouldn't feel right complaining about his dad when Logan had no one. But maybe, Logan had the better end of the deal, he'd turned out pretty decent. "He's kind of a drunk, but you can't tell anyone"

"I won't. So, you're hiding?"

"Just for a couple days. Our cook, who basically raised me, her name's Mary, she's going to talk to his manager and agent and get him into rehab, so when that happens, I'll have to go back because I'm his only family.:"

"Must have been quiet, justy you and him. I grew up with 6 sisters and a brother, plus Carlos and Kendall around and Katie, so really it was like 10 siblings, so it was noisy"

"You're adopted right?"

"Yeah. My mom died when I was a baby, 3 months old or something. My dad has never been in the picture, My adopted mom says he might not even know I exist, but that he was never a kid person"

"Well, I think you're cool, so he's missing out. So who do I talk to in order to rent a place?"

"You're 17, they won't let you. You can stay with us for a few days, Katie and Mama Knight are out of town for the month, they were sick of boys, so my adopted dad is staying with us, but James and I can go sleep in Mama Knight's room and you can bunk with my dad, or you could sleep in Katie's room, as long as you don't tell her. Or we can make Carlos sleep on the couch" Logan offered with a smile.

"You think fast"

"I'm the braniac. But come on, you can stay with us" Logan insisted. "The guys will be cool with it and you probably don't get much time with people you age. Let's go" Dak really couldn't argue with that logic, because it was all true.

* * *

a/n: I'm so sorry I havne't updated. Every time I go to write I have a block, but finally Zayna broke it, so yeah! You can all go review her stuff now, her penname is Music4ever1617. She's also Luci in this…*Carlos's girl when the OCS come in"

btw, leave in a review whether you would rather the couple for James be James X Jett, James x Camille or James x Kendall. If it's Kames, it'll be Lamille for Logan, but if its James and Camille it'll be Kogan or Logan x Peggy and Kendall x Jo or if it's James x Jett it'll be Logan x Peggy and Kendall x Camille). Confusing, I know. I just really liked Peggy.

Suggestions always open!


	4. Already Was

**Chapter 3: Already Was**

* * *

"You know, Logan, it might be a good idea for you to, oh, I don't know, ask before you invite an insanely famous popstar who has been the reason we've gotten our asses kicked at least twice into our house for a week" Kendall spat at Logan, crossing his arms across his chest, and gesturing with his head at Dak, who was sitting on the couch, talking to James, who was actually into the conversation. "I mean, this can't end well" Kendall complained.

"Kendall-" Logan grabbed his best friend by the arm and dragged him out of the apartment into the hallway. "I just- he was talking about his dad and I just, I don't have a dad but I just felt soooo bad for the poor thing and he can't be on the street and I just- I felt like I needed to help him. I had to, Kendall. Your mom would have been okay with it and from what I've heard from about my mom, she would have wanted me to help him. You know, his eyes are like Carlos's and him sad is- hard to turn down"

Kendall sighed. "You're too much of a pushover, it's going to get you taken advantage of one day."

"Kendall, I felt this- tug- that I had to help him. I couldn't NOT help him, Kendall. Please, just be civil and don't be a jerk. He's a good guy. You have to believe me, Kendall. You know he's cool, he's not going to cause any problems. He'll be nice to have around. Please, why can't you just be nice?"

"I am nice"

"Then shut up and go welcome Dak like a guest, not a pain in the ass, which he isn't" Logan grabbed Kendall by the shoulder and tugged him back inside. "Sorry about that, Kendall needed an attitude adjustment"

James smacked Dak on the shoulder and leaned over. "Logan seems to think Kendall needs those a lot. I think it's code for we were making out." He joked. "Hey, where's Carlos?"

"He and Luci are down at that fancy new restaurant in Malibu, on a da-a-ate" Kendall said in a singsong voice. Logan shoved him. "and by the way, James Diamond, I'll have you know that I find boobs infinitely more attractive than dicks"

Logan rolled his eyes. "What he means by _that _is that we're both straight" he corrected. "Kendall, do you have to be barbaric?"

James tapped Dak's chest again. "They fight like this all the time. They're like an old married couple sometimes. My sister Jenna used to call them Frank and Marie, after that show Everybody Loves Raymond. Logan and I can fight like that too, but you know, brothers. We grew up sharing a bedroom, sharing a family and everything. Carlos and I fight too."

Dak laughed. "I know that show. And I remember, during Varsity Vampire, the guy that played Bennett and I, uh- Jett Stetson, we fought all the time."

James brightened. "I know Jett!"

Logan laughed. "Oh, James knows Jett _reeeal _well" He said with a smirk. "What was that you and Jett were doing by the pool the other night?"

Kendall smacked Logan in the chest. "or in Carlos's bed last week. And I found some- questionable items- in the car on Saturday after James and Jett went "shopping" for Jo's birthday. Which isn't for 3 months. And Jo said that she heard moaning and James's voice screaming Jett's name last week during filming."

"Okay, you both kow that Jo is a liar. And we've only done it once. And is this really appropriate to talk about with a guest?" James was bright red, and Logan could tell it wasn't just the roseacea talking. "You guys should really watch yourselves, I'm bigger and I'm stronger than both of you combined"

Kendall laughed. "But penis size has nothing to do with it. And we were going to say something about the smell"

James rolled his eyes. "So immature" he said. "I apologize for them. Kendall was dropped on his head shortly after his birth, the nurse saw his eyebrows and screamed and dropped him and Logan is still suffering from the trauma of being a nerd his entire laugh. And the time Carlos ripped one and Logan was knocked out"

Dak laughed. "You guys are great" he said. "I see why Logan said that growing up, it was more like he had three brothers. You guys are funny. And from what I know of Carlos, things can only get more interesting."

Logan laughed. "Yeah, they're weirdos, but I love them." He said with a grin. "Hey, it's almost lunch time, and since Carlos won't be back for a while, do you want to go get pizza or something" he asked. Kendall and James nodded, over their childish banter and both of them rushed off. "Do you want to go?" Logan asked. "or do you want to get settled in, I can bring you something back…" he trailed off.

Dak nodded. "I'll come. Unless, does Kendall not want me?"

"Kendall? Kendall's just- he thinks I have a crush on you which is weird and he's jealous" Logan explained. "He'll get over it eventually. He's a bit bullheaded sometimes"

"Are you two dating?"

"Kind of. I don't know if that's what you call it but Kendall says he's in love with me and I really feel strongly about him. I don't know if it's official yet or not though. If it is officlal then we've been together since before we left Minnesota, which means we've been cheating on each other." Logan sighed. "Kendall's confusing. I swear, the Katy Perry song Hot n' Cold was written about us."

"My mom was from Minnesota. She's buried there. In uh- Duluth"

"Dude, that's where the guys and I grew up, how weird!" Logan said excitedly, mouth falling open.

"Yeah, that's kind of odd" Dak smiled. "and-uh- I don't know you guys that well, but I think that maybe, you should just talk to him. I mean, I'm a guy and I'd want whoever I dated to tell me when they weren't sure." Dak offered. "I don't know if that helps at all, but I guess you should just talk to Kendall"

Logan nodded. "I guess you're right. Thanks, Dak, you're awesome." Logan smiled and stood up as Kendall and James walked out. "Hey, Dak, do you think maybe you and James can go in your truck, so Kendall and I can talk?" Logan asked.

Dak nodded. "Of course." He turned to surveyed the less than pleased James. Having seen the car the four of them shared, Dak figured James wanted to show up in the flashy red convertible. "James, if you go now, Jett can come" he bribed.

"Yeah, not a good option, Kendall and Jett don't get along very well" James sighed. "but thanks for the offer."

Dak sighed. "I'll explain on the way there. Is there a place you guys prefer? I don't actually eat pizza often so-" he broke off as James let out a girlish scream and dragged him out of the apartment, shouting something about how Dak's taste buds were underdeveloped and this must be fixed at once. Logan sighed.

"So, uh- we should probably go save Dak from Mangerine Man before Astroboy gets involved" Logan sighed. He headed for the door, stopping when Kendall didn't follow. "Aren't you coming? We can't exactly let James just run amok with Dak under his control" Logan said softly.

"James won't do anything bad. Come on, walk with me, the only pizza place James likes is walking distance" Kendall said softly. "and it'll give us more time to talk" he added. Logan smiled and then lit up as Kendall closed the distance and locked their fingers together. "There, much better" he said with a smile. "You know, when you smile like that, you're really, really attractive. You should be that happy all the time. Come on, let's walk" Kendall said with a smile. "You know, I really love you and-"

"Hey, Kendall, do you think we could go visit my mom this week?" Logan asked, cutting him off.

Kendall nodded. "Yeah. Just you and me." He said with a smile. "Just the two of us. Unless James pitches a diva fit and wants to go, because I don't think Carlos will, he and Luci have something planned for a few days this week"

"I was going to see if Dak wanted to go. He said his mom was from Duluth and is buried there too" Logan said, freezing as Kendall's grip on his hand tightened. "What?"

"Are you- in love with him?" Kendall asked tensely. "Because if you are, allow me to step out of the way. He obviously cares about you too"

Logan shook his head. "Kendall, I'm not. I just want to be friends with him and this is something we have in common. I don't see why you have any say, it's not like I'm your boyfriend or anything, but if you want it to be the two of us, than fine, I won't invite Dak"

Kendall grabbed Logan's other hand. "But I want you to be" he said desperately. "but if you love Dak-"

Logan shook his head. "Kendall, I barely know the guy. I am NOT in love with him. I want to be friends with him, but I love you. If you really don't want me to invite him, then fine, I won't, but you can't get so jealous all the time. Especially when I don't even know if we're together or not"

Kendall sighed. "But I want us to be together. And I thought you knew that!"

Logan shook his head. "I didn't. Kendall, you never told me…"

"I thought you would just figure it out. Logan, I love you, okay" Kendall said, as they began walking. "and I can't stand the thought of you being with someone else. Please, just- be mine, and only mine? or risk me keeling over dead one day because I just can't take you not being mine anymore?"

Logan laughed and stopped, throwing his arms around Kendall's neck and hugging him. "The funny thing was, I already was yours"

* * *

A/N: eh, I disliked it focused mostly on Kogan but I just liked that Dak was responsible for the Kogan. I'm going to try to update this soon and if I don't, I gave you all permission to yell at me.


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